Namaste yoga peeps,
Today is day 5 of a juice fast @ The Beach House in Goa….
Wow what an experience….
First to say I totally recommend this place. It is detoxing in 5 star luxury accommodation. There are 2 treatments daily, with the sensitive and insightful Ayurvedic Doctor Anjali, an up-to-date and well-informed nutritionist Prakruti, a super supportive and talented Hypnotherapist and counsellor Aldrina and lots of great massage therapists of different varieties. Today I had mama massage with a Thai woman walking all over me with her feet. It was amazing… The programme is based on a very modern Ayurvedic approach where juices are balanced for the dosha and includes things like BMI etc. It also includes 2 enemas a day, coffee and herbal and one garlic mid week …. uck !
For me the first 3 days were heaven. Little hunger and lots of RnR. Samadhi !
Day 4 was harder…. I woke up at 3.30, got out of bed at 4.30, did some emails and hit the yoga mat, but I had all of this mental baggage about loosing weight going on in my head, that had been playing on low volume in the background for a few years on and off as my weight oscillated, but which was getting no air time in my awareness …. until this week.
ENEMAS AND ISSUES
The issues that came up after 3 days of no food were completely irrational, but seemed to have lodged in my awareness somewhere….. scary. One of the beliefs of this retreat is that working with ememas, we release bacteria and proteins that are supporting deep seated limiting beliefs (samskaras) in our gut that block our growth and create misperceptions which tangle the mind in toxic rubbish… It has been great to work on that energy and release it !!
The stuff that came up for me, which I am about to share with you, is distorted garbage and somewhat humorous, some of which is old childhood stuff, which my rational 46 years old mind can see through but which still played its sad tune in the back of my mind… Samskaras !! – limiting beliefs- how do they get in there??? You may relate to some of them..
MY WEIGHT ISSUES
So for most of my life I have been quite slim. I was never one of those natural skinneys that could eat loads and not gain an ounce. I didn’t really work at weight loss so hard and never weighed myself in principle, but I was disciplined. through yoga practice and good diet. Then in the last few years, my weight fluctuated within a range of 8 kgs … I realise how it started. Even though I liked my body slim, I wanted to increase my bust size (blush). And I did by increasing my acocavo and nut intake and also believing like the raw vegan community did 10 years ago, that Agave was a superfood and that eating large amount of raw deserts with lots of coconut fats, cocoa butter, nuts, seeds etc. was good fat and that I should eat them as I desired … oops… Well the breast size increased…but the rest of me grew with them….
THE CRAP THAT CAME UP AS THE CRAP CAME OUT
Sorry to be blunt… but this is the best way to describe the irrational stuff that came out with the process…
* If the mind creates the body, as yoga tells us it does, does me admitting that I have put on weight make me fatter. Would i be better off in denial?
* If thoughts create the body, can other people’s judgements create weight in my body… Ok I know this is crazy…. and embarrassing, which brings up the deeper issues, who creates the self and what is the function of the ego? I know ultimately we are light and love. I really believe that and am not limited by that. But we are earthly and divine beings. So on the human plane, who creates my identity? Do I have to take on other people’s opinions and criticisms of me? These thoughts were acting out in my thought process and I was feeling low and depressed despite the fact that I know the correct answers and even teach the same to my students…
* The lovely Doctor Anjali told me my Kapha and Pitta were high and I could do with loosing a few pounds…. She is completely correct. However this diagnosis felt like a sentence. I became emotional and convinced myself food had nothing to do with weight loss or gain. Thoughts and emotions opinions and judgements created the fat …. Oh dear, I was in a tizzy….. Had the bacteria in my gut latched on to some insecurity and created a story..or is there is a point here not to be missed …. I know this is not scientifically true by western standards, but can our heavy emotions (neuropeptides in western science) weigh us down and play a part in weight gain? To be honest I think they can, but that is not to say calories don’t play a part. And we always have choice. Not only to eat healthily, but also to work on creating mental health, knowing that this also effects our physical health. This is where yoga comes in. It acknowledges that the mind creates the body, but it also teaches us how to control the mind.
* The story surrounding my weight gain/loss over the years brought up issues with my weakness with handling criticism. I know this sentence might mean different things to different people. Some may think that I realsised I need to humble out and take it better, and this is the “spiritual” thing to do….. Others may think I may be able to better emotionally distance myself from people who unconsciously offer their opinions. Which is the correct response..? . . .
*This issue knocks into the common misperceptions of the role of the ego in spirituality. The ego (the part of us that sees ourselves as separate earthly being) is necessary for operating in the modern world, creating healthy boundaries with people and has the role of elevating our awareness out of the lower mind (manas) which interprets the senses and move our awareness towards our higher mind (buddhi). However it is still is a dirty word in spiritual circles. It also is frowned upon very much in the old Irish cultural zeitgeist where wanting to better yourself was often laughed at and criticized. And most of all, I prefer to be in my heart and flowing with life than using my ego to battle misperceptions, perceptions, judgements and criticisms from the outside. However as Doctor Anjali told me this week, it is the Kapha part of my nature, that allows this external junk into my unconscious where it can effect my mental process and my physical health…. WOW.
* Spiritual practice asks us to suspend or transcend the ego to experience the higher states, but the reality is sometimes people give up their self sense and betray themselves to make others happy, to get people to like them, to get partners to stay, to keep the peace, to be good, kind, nice and even spiritual. But the self-betrayal has a price to pay. It is the opposite of spirituality. It is not spiritual strength.
* So now my ego is on it ! It has a job to do. I always knew this, but now I am back on track. I see that fortifying my sense of self to not take on outer “stuff” which is not mine is crucial to maintaining my physical health in addition to protecting my inner space and divine connection…. This is also crucial to get right in the work that I do. I know everyone has to watch this space or pay the price but sometimes because we transcend the ego with meditation work and enter that no boundary space in the group, it is essential that I am grounded, centered and prepared to work with others who may be less centered or have a different sense of boundaries.
* Also in relation to spirituality, I teach and truly believe that we are all beautiful at our divine core. I try to see that place in everybody. And just as I have to remind my self of my beautiful nature no matter how fat or thin my body is, I also sometimes have to remind myself to search for that place in others… We are all beautiful beings at our core. I am sure of it. We are all infinite love and compassion. I have felt it and know it to be true. But sometimes our inner beauty is obscured by stress, fear, bad habits, mental and physical illness etc. and we loose our sense of our beautiful nature. This is why I practice and teach yoga, to remind me and help remind my students to remember who we are
Today on day 5 , I am on fire. Full of energy and excited about teaching my next training in Goa on Saturday. I am not hungry or deflated and I see that I will have lost a few pounds by the end of it, but that being given the opportunity to work through these limiting beliefs that resided in my gut, with amazing support, will have longer lasting effects. Today I have a NLP/ hypnotherapy session where I get to strengthen the boundary between my inner and outer world, where I am grounded in knowing where I end and other people and begin, even though on a divine level we are all connected and where I can start to plant seeds in my mind and body based on a healthy and rational connection to weight loss and weight gain.
I will finish with some wisdom from Nishala Joy Devi’s interpretation of the Yoga Sutras in the gem “The Secret Power of Yoga”
“As a naturally pure chrystal appears to take the colour of everything around it, yet remains unchanged, the yogi’s heart remains pure and unaffected by its surroundings which attaining a state of oneness with all. This is Samadhi.”
” A great and mighty queen once gave an audience to a man whose immediate response was to ridicule the Queens’ way of governing the country. After a polite amount of time, she began to speak, interrupting his ranting.
“How would you react, she said with kindness, if you brought me an enormous basket of fine fruits and I said no “thank you”, I am not interested in keeping your gift. A bit startled the man stammered “It would destress me to think that you did not like my gift but I would take the basket of fruits and leave”.
“Very well” said the Queen calmly, “You have brought me a large basket of insults. Please take them away as I do not wish to accept your offering.”
With love and light,
- Posted by admin
- On March 10, 2016
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